Wednesday, August 8, 2012

embracable vous.

Once and for all, I am embracing the moment. It's been really clear in recent months that I am deeply content in the present moment. Lucky for me, I'm always in the present moment. Unless my mind drifts back in time where I get into arguments or attempt to re-write events. This is, of course, pointless. It causes anxiety and the one sided arguments in which I get so engrossed that I am actually (silently) arguing, gesticulations included, are embarrassing. My mind also wanders out ahead of me where it creates glossy fantasies about bug free sunsets on the back porch, me in my apron and Nik smoking a pipe as we hold hands on the porch swing and laugh at the chickens pre-coop antics. These are nice, until I begin to think about mortgages and wearing deet and foxes in the hen house and being far from friends and family and I start to feel like it's impossible and I am flooded with uncertainty and anxiety.

So. I work at staying in the present. At least staying centered within the actual day that I'm living. Because in any given moment, all is well. We are healthy and able bodied. The bills are paid. There is lots of beautiful food in the house. We have shared a sweet, easy morning together. I've also decided to embrace where I am. I am here. In this apartment. Right now. And it is cute, and there is a cross breeze and when it rains through the roof it isn't into my actual apartment. I'll re paint the kitchen and bathroom this week (see  how quickly I get ahead of myself? It's easy to do!).

So. Right now I'll press Publish, and take the rest as it comes.

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