I am exhausted and hiding. I know full well that I am an introverted person. I enjoy the company of others, I am capable of being funny, engaging, and partaking in all sorts of conversations. I also know that a stretch of sociability leaves me so tired. So in need of quiet space and time alone. I am here, in this very quiet space, and utterly grateful to have it.
I started writing this awhile back, and am thinking of re visiting it...
'Helena found the world to be a nearly impossible place in which to function, and this was alright, as she had the time and proclivity to create one where all things were possible. A world where there was no end of monotonous tasks to be accomplished. Where there were always coins to be sorted and drawers to be tidied. She especially looked forward to cleaning the lint trap in the dryer.
She found certain comfort in repetition, and so she created lots of it in her life. She scoffed at the psychiatric shoebox labeled 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder', though she appreciated it's much tidier and space saving acronym of OCD. She hadn't a dis-order, but rather a particular affinity for order. A fondness for order. A desire to create it, and to shape it.
When Helena did leave the house, it was for the requisite food and sundries for herself and the cats' comfort. Gustav and Uma ate nothing but sardines packed in oil, and consumed them in alarming numbers in spite of Gustav's lack of teeth. The kittens ate kibble, and were indiscriminate in their tastes.
This venturing forth always took place very early on Saturday mornings. It pleased Helena to find the store as unpeopled as it would be at 3am, yet at a perfectly safe and respectable hour of the day.
It was on one such Saturday that Helena found her calling. She thought of it as such rather than as, say, a gift. She saw what she did as something akin to illusion, or slight of hand. It never really occurred to her that what she was, in fact, stealing. The merchandise simply felt like the reward for a job well done. When she performed well, she had earned it all, and besides she always paid for the milk and eggs.'
More tomorrow, perhaps...