Thursday, December 20, 2012

Christmasy anticipation

Another holiday season is upon us! Nik and I have watched two versions of A Christmas Carol, and saw the play at Alleyway Theater. It's the perfect story of redemption and the spirit of Christmas. I love the story more and more as time passes.
Things I look forward to at this time of year..
*Snow. Of which we've had none. But I'm holding fast to the hope of some before Christmas. I distinctly remember struggling to learn my multiplication tables, and going for long snowey walks and my Dad helping me memorize them. The Tori Amos song Winter never fails to bring these walks back to me, and to make my heart ache until I cry from it. A painful beautiful nostalgic longing.
*Our tree. Big, colorful bulbs have replaced the little white lights I was into for years. A throwback to childhood, and I love them.
*Caroles. All of the old ones, anyway. Gimme a little Good King Wenceslas. Gimme a choir singing The first Nowell or It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. I will sing along, and it wont be pretty, but I will feel all sorts of joyful inside. Even as I reach for notes far too high for me to consider, I soar inside.
Silence. Last night I turned out every light in the house except the tree and sipped a cup of tea. I thought about childhood Christmases. I thought of my Dad singing in the church choir and how exciting that was. How proud I felt of his voice, touching all of those people. I remembered staying home from midnight mass with my Mom to snuggle up in tree light, quietly sharing the space and the anticipation of all of us being together the next day. I thought about my life today, about how much things have changed since last year at this time. I felt deep gratitude and so so much love in me. I felt happy and comfortable and blessed.

Off to walk with my best Uni-can friend and to call out to the snow. I hope it arrives soon.


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